The purpose of pussy massage is to create a space for the woman (the receiver) to relax, and enter a state of high arousal and experience much pleasure. Her partner (the giver) experiences the joy of being of service and witnessing a special moment. The massage can also be used as a form of safer sex (when latex gloves are used) and is an excellent activity to build trust and intimacy. Some massage and sex therapists use it to assist women to break through sexual blocks or trauma.

The goal of the massage is not orgasm. Orgasm is often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal is simply to pleasure and massage the vagina. From this perspective both receiver and giver can relax, and not have to worry about achieving something. When orgasm does occur it is usually more expanded, more intense and more satisfying. Orgasm is allowed to happen or not happen. It is also helpful for the giver to not expect anything in return. Just allow the receiver to enjoy the massage and to relax into herself afterwards. Of course, other sexual activity may follow but it should be entirely the receiver's choice. This perspective will build greater intimacy and trust, and will greatly expand your sexual horizons.

PREPARATION: Bathing is always helpful as it relaxes both the receiver and giver. A quiet space is desirable with pleasing music, candles, pillows, etc., or whatever makes the participants relax and feel safe. Allow yourself enough time and do not hurry through the process. Go to the bathroom before beginning the massage. The best results will occur when the bowels and bladder are empty and you will avoid the unnecessary experience of interrupting the massage to go to the bathroom. Connect with your partner by hugging, holding, eye gazing (looking into each other's eyes for an extended time), or whatever brings you to a place of safety and relaxation.

PROCEDURE: Have the receiver lie on her back with pillows under her head so she can look down at her genitals and up at her partner (giver). Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under her hips. Her legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent (pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and her genitals clearly exposed for the massage. The giver sits cross-legged between the receivers' legs. The giver may wish to sit on a pillow or cushion. This position allows full access to the vagina and other parts of the body. Before contacting the body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Both giver and receiver should remember to keep breathing deeply, slowly and with relaxation during the entire process. The giver will gently remind the receiver to start breathing again if the receiver stops or takes shallower breaths. Deep breathing, not hyperventilating, is very important here.

Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, breasts, etc., to get the receiver to relax and for the giver to prepare for touching the vagina. Pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil or lubricant on the mound of the vagina. Pour just enough so that it drips down the outer lips and covers the outside of the vagina. (Several excellent sexual lubricants are available for this. Many lingerie shops, sex toy shops, sex magazines, etc., offer these safe lubricants. Remember - Do not mix oil-based products with latex. Begin gently massaging the mound and outer lips of the vagina. Spend some time here and do not rush. Relax and enjoy giving the massage. Gently squeeze the outer lip between the thumb and index finger, and slide up and down the entire length of each lip. Do the same thing to the inner lips of the vagina. Take your time. The receiver can massage her own breasts or may just relax and continue breathing deeply.

It is helpful for giver and receiver to look into each other's eyes as much as possible. The receiver can tell the giver if the pressure, speed, depth, etc., needs to be increased or decreased. Limit your speaking and focus on the pleasurable sensations. Gently stroke the clitoris with clockwise and counter-clockwise circles. Gently squeeze it between thumb and index fingers. Do this as a massage and not to get the receiver off. The receiver will undoubtedly become very aroused but continue to encourage her to just relax and breathe. Slowly and with great care, insert the middle finger of your hand into the vagina. Very gently explore and massage the inside of the vagina with this finger. Take your time, be gentle, and feel up, down and sideways. Vary the depth, speed and pressure.

Remember, this is a massage and you're nurturing and relaxing the vagina. With your palm facing up, and the middle finger inside the vagina, move the middle finger in a "come here" gesture or crook back towards the palm. You will contact a spongy area of tissue just under the pubic bone, behind the clitoris. This is the G-spot, (there are many excellent books that go into detail about this area). Your partner may feel as if they have to urinate or it may be painful or pleasurable.

Again vary the pressure, speed and pattern of movement. You can move side to side, back and forth, or in circles with your middle finger. You can also insert the finger that's between your middle finger and pinky. Check with your partner first before sticking two fingers into them. Most women should have no problem and will enjoy the increased stimulation from two fingers. Take your time and be very gentle. You may use the thumb to stimulate the clitoris as well. An option to try if the receiver wants it is to insert the pinky of the hand into her anus. Ask her first and do not insert your pinky into her vagina after it has been in her anus. Use lubrication and be very gentle. You can use the other hand to massage the breasts, abdomen, or clitoris. If you massage the clitoris it's usually best to use your thumb in an up down motion, with the rest of your hand resting on and massaging the mound. The dual stimulation of right and left hands will provide much pleasure for the receiver.

I do not recommend using your left hand to touch your own genitals because it may take your focus off the receiver. Remember, this massage is for her pleasure and much of the benefit comes from not only the physical stimulation but the intent as well. Continue massaging, trying different speeds, pressures and motions. Keep breathing and looking into each other's eyes. She may have powerful emotions come up. Just keep breathing and be gentle. A giving, loving and patient partner can be of great value to her. If she has an orgasm, keep her breathing, and continue massaging if she wants. More orgasms may occur, each gaining in intensity. Many women can learn how to be multi-orgasmic with the pussy massage and a very patient partner.